I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
