ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
