This girl is more easily done than said...
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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