I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
