I am puke
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
