i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
