There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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