I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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