It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
