Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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