that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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