I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
