There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's rum buckets o'clock
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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