A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
