you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
