Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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