I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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