that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
