WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
