im six kinds of drunk right now
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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