I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
