i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
There are leaves in my underwear?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
