So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
