his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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