found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
