8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
