do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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