that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
