He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
from now on my penis is your penis
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
