I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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