it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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