i wish starbucks made bloody marys
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
This is the high leading the old right now
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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