dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
