If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
