He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
