I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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