the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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