having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
