I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
