Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
