Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize