I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
