Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
