I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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