i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
