dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
