I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
