It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
