mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
