At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
