Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
