Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
