i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
