dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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