Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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