great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Randomize
