My friends, they love my intelligence
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Randomize
