I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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