i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Who wears a wallet chain?!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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