She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
