she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
