she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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