i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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